I was pretty ill with CFS on our honeymoon, yeah weddings are tiring, try doing one with cfs and you kind of get an emotional wreck of an exhausted lady. I sat there thinking to myself how on earth I was going to be someones wife, when I often needed to spend most of the day in bed. Yeah I guess on a honeymoon staying in bed is a good thing, but you know the sort of staying in bed I'm talking about isn't the fun type !
I read this verse in the bible from Proverbs. It's talking about what it is to be a wife of 'noble character' now my friends, I skipped past the parts which talk about being 'energetic and strong', ( oh and the weaving of rugs ! ) and stumbled onto this verse
'She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs
without fear of the future.' ...Proverbs 31:25
Well it kind of hit me right in the face. I realised for me, my challenge was to laugh in the present moment, without fear of tomorrow. What impact my health would have on me, our marriage, our lives and dreams together.
There was fear around money, careers, kids, all those things, cos none of them have worked out for me as I'd hoped, but this has been a verse which has kind of been my little anchor for the past 6 years. I may not be able to be energetic and weave rugs, but I I can laugh in the now without fear of the future. I don't always manage it, and these past 18 months, to be honest I have probably come furthest from this being true for me.
On friday someone gave me a notepad, and this verse was printed on the back. I haven't read it for a year or so, it was my reminder, my reminder that with God I can laugh and not be fearful of the future.
It's my verse.
God help me, help me to remember it when all I feel is fear, replace it with hope and laughter.