Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Ten on a chilly Tuesday

This past few weeks, the cfs monster has retreated a little, just a little, but enough to make life a WHOLE lot more pleasant and enjoyable. I'm fairly sure this sadly won't last, something will come along and tip the oh so hard to achieve, rest/activity balance that it demands. But it has been a nice week having a little bit more energy. I have enjoyed a few things, and am devoting my ten on tuesday to listing them. Yes I know this is a little un interesting, but head over to the other ladies 'ten's' for a more interesting ten ! .......they are on fire this week :) 

1. Definitely my most pleasing thing to be able to do.....Picking up washing off the floor and depositing it in the correct place, either draws or washing basket. This brings me great pleasure. I love a tidy house. Not super tidy, don't get me wrong, but just 'most things in the place they should be' tidy, or even in the correct room will do me.

2. Folding clean washing. Generally clean clothes once dried stay in a large pile somewhere unfolded and are used as needed before they get to the draws. I hate this, but don't have much option normally. This week however there has been folding and some measure of putting away. Bliss

3. Sweeping the floor of food after 'toddler throwing lunch times' on the same day of it happening.

4. Drying all of my hair, not just the front bits.

5. Walking a short distance and being able to come straight home not rest and wait a while til have the energy to return.

6. Going up to rest in bed at 9.30pm not 7. 

7. Reading a book not just an magazine.

8. Chatting to a friend without feeling exhausted afterwards.

9. Wiping things ! Kitchen surfaces, window sills, coffee tables. I like a clean surface me.

10. Had a meal with family at the weekend. We actually made it, I can't tell you how many family gatherings, events and parties I have missed in the last 8 years due to the monster and his dirty tricks ! I made it to leeds, had a lovely time chatting, came home. nice.

Having read these, I realise they are largely house work based which is a bit sad really, but there would need to be a fair bit more energy to enable a more 'exciting list' he he, and to be honest maybe a different stage of life. I like this stage of life, I know for some it is immensely frustrating doing the mundane chores of mothering, But this week being able to do them is a lovely novelty for me. I am happy in my house, with more energy. Playing with my girl, not just hankering to go to bed a rest my achy bones. I sometimes worry I have lost all ambition and drive, but then I see my girl trying to build a tower, saying words, and generally being a 17 month old, and I feel contended and hugely blessed.

Head on and see some more if you liked these .....




Sunday, 29 January 2012

Tagged: What's on your iPod

I have been 'tagged' ( how very '2012' !), by the blogging mumma superstar type lady Sarah @ Partyofseven. On 'What's on your iPod' feature I guess you might call it. I have been instructed to 'shuffle' and see what comes up first.

I would like to give her a special thanks as I have FINALLY learnt how to 'embed' a youtube clip.Yes I know, I have arrived at new blogging dizzy heights......

So here goes with a quick 'shuffle'........

I felt nervous, cos it's not great to look like a total looser on things like this really, and also you don't want to look too good, like you might have cheated.

First up, Adele from her album 19 with 'Tired'

(Check out adele pre fake lashes)

Black eyed peas 'If you want love'

Lauryn Hill 'doo wop' this is one of my favourite tunes of all time and I never tire of it.

Slightly random one, it's from the soundtrack 'Ocean's twelve ' and I think it's the bit where they are setting up the heist in Vegas. (The good bit of the song kicks in about half way through btw)

Blues Legend "muddy waters' singing his self named tune.

So there you go. Could have been worse I guess.

God on Mute

 God on Mute' is a book I am currently reading. I've been meaning to pick it up and consume it's wisdom for some time now, and last month I finally made it. It's a book I feel could have been written for me. Of course it wasn't, and reading a book like this only reminds me that 'some of us, are like the rest of us' in our doubts confusion, despair and endless questions.

One of my friends lent it to me, a friend who is what my mum would call, one of life's 'steady eddies', often a source of wisdom, support and guidance to me, and also a lender of books, this is by far the best of her lendings.

In a nutshell it's an in depth look at prayer, mostly the grey cloud of unanswered prayer, and healing.

Having been a Christian for a rather loooooong time, I have come across various schools of thought about the 'why does God not always answer prayers' questions. To be honest, a lot of other people's thoughts on this topic have never quite sat right with me. But it's kind of hard sometimes to go against the grain and say, 'what ARE you talking about?' when it's someone who is, well, a lot more 'in the know' about theology and the bible. Being a lady who often just reads a psalm to get her through the day, I have always presumed that maybe I was the only one who didn't really think that God would answer ALL of our prayers, in the way we asked. 

I have wondered for a while why God hasn't healed me, and many other people I know. Then, halfway through writing this post I discover that my brother had prayed for me at a healing service last Sunday when I had a bad throat, these episodes usually last for weeks,sometimes months, and I was astounded that I felt better on Monday. Only yesterday do I discover that his prayers seems to have caused a lovely little bit of healing for me. It's great. But confusing that God healed my sore throat but not the bigger problem. This leaves me so very thankful, but also just a little bit more, well, convinced that we just don't really know why God does what He does, when He does, but that He does care for us deeply.

God is good, but He does let bad things happen, and that confuses me too, and always will. But I'm ok with that. People who say that the bible doesn't contradict itself clearly haven't read the same one as me. But I can cope with a confusing contradiction or two. I don't feel the need to squash my belief and faith in God into nice neatly labelled boxes. The life that God has given me, here on this earth is painful, sad and hard quite a lot of the time. Not just because I have CFS, that is hard, but there are worse things. But because of the pain my friends go through too, and when you have good friends, you go through it together don't you ? And as I notch up years on this earth, I become more aware that, well there are a whole load more unpleasant and hard to handle things which my family will probably encounter before our days on this earth are over. I want to walk with God through them, not just keep wishing they weren't happening.

I am learning not to fear suffering. Why? because I can find God in it. I don't always have to be eager to run to the end and see it go, healed, removed, whatever we call it. But sit in the pain for a while. Just like when I go out and do some gardening I like to have muddy hands for maybe a bit longer than is necessary.

This is a rambling post, the book 'God on Mute' however is not. It address the big questions around unanswered prayer and suffering, provides a teaspoon of theology, and a big old ladle of hope, hope for those in the mud, the waiting for something to change, to get better.

Heaven is where it will 'all come up millhouse' as the famous yellow guy says. I look forward to heaven, often. Not because I don't want to live anymore, but because that is where we get to really live, to live in the painfree, grief free, life filled bodies we were made to have.

Obviously I recommend you read it yourself,

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Week in pictures

This weeks offerings, mostly out and about. 
If you click on the first image you can view them as a slideshow type thing.

First crocus of the year

Animals, animals, wet and dry........

Pointing pointing

 Learning to drive

'Me and my shadow...'

Tent time

A hat princess beatrice would be envious of ?

Check out some real photographer's 'week in pictures' from around the globe here. I love the chicken crossing the road, and the tuba in the tree is pretty great, wouldn't see that down my street.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

ten on tuesday

Flying in with a quick 10 - 2 = 8.......... Bit of a sick bay in our house today, so slightly brain dead.

1.  My lovely Mum and Dad came over on Friday for a visit. After lunch I heard from upstairs much laughter and 'how do you work your camera' from my Mum. After a brief tutorial through the floorboards, and a exclamation of 'oh I haven't taken the lens cap off' this was the result. 
Here she is, happy with her Grandma, teddies and beloved 'baaw' ( ball to you and I) Check out the bottom photo, ignore if you will the half closed eyes and look at the pose on her. The way she's sitting could be in a catalogue ...... !



2. This week I haven't listened to any news and generally have no idea what is going on the world. It makes me feel a little like a clueless mummy, but have to say it is quite nice to have a break from being concerned about the state of our world, for just one week anyway.

3. Little tike found her door bouncer in the cupboard, and was quite insistent that she went in it. Not really intended for a 16 month old, but hey she seemed to enjoy it.

4. My attempts to go cold turkey on the trips to the shop or buying things isn't going too well ! Birthdays need buying for, and the internet is just very tempting for browsing....mmmmmmm not quite the consumer detox I need really. 

5. We have a little tradition of a trip to costa over the road on a monday morning. Normally waving at the pensioners is how she likes to roll, but my purse was much more exciting this week.

6. Is winter over yet ? please please can it be.

7. I was listening to a bible podcast this Saturday, the bit where John the baptist has his head cut off cos some lady wants it on a plate. Now, correct me if i'm wrong but what an odd way for a man like him to die. Someone who was kind of born with a sign on him, saying 'I'm preparing the way for the messiah' and all that. In bible terms pretty important, and then his life ends because of some crazy ladies' whim. God confuses me sometimes, in fact a lot of the time actually. Yes He is great and awesome, but definitely has some unusual things happen on His watch.

8. Recently re discovered pies, meat pies. There is something so nice about a meat pie with a good shortcrust pasty mmmmmmmmm delish.

Linking in with the other '10 on Tuesday' gang.

Monday, 23 January 2012

The discipline conundrum

The difference between looking after someone else's child and caring for your own are numerous. But one of this biggest differences; if they turn out to be a bit of a brat............it's kind of your fault.

This dawned on me a few months ago. The time has come where my sedentary cute baby has become a toddler with her own will and desires. And that looming question has arrived, the 'how do we discipline this child without totally screwing her up' question.

There are many schools of thoughts out there, the 'talk to them about it til your both tired and they are already thinking about the train set they can see out the corner of their eye, rather than listening to you' theory.( yeah can you tell i'm not a huge fan of this one) The 'smack them' theory, ( kind of a bit unsure about this) and the kind of ignore all 'negative behaviour' but just reward the good stuff.( not a fan of this one either) Most people I know fall into the bit in the middle of all of these, imagine if you will a 'venn diagram' and that bit in the middle where they all overlap. 

I don't know what I think yet, but I'm realising that I need to get my head round it pretty quick, cos soon she'll be 5 and by then, well you've kind of done the damage haven't you ?!

What I do know, is that I think I'll be doing her a discredit if I bring her up thinking she is the centre of our family, and any other communities she finds herself part of, cos she's not and nobody will treat her that way, so, well, she'll be one frustrated and unhappy little girl. I also know, that as a very strong willed person myself, if my parents hadn't been fairly heavy handed with the old discipline, I would probably be a bit of a bitch. 

So as you can tell I haven't really reached much of a conclusion. I do know that when she throws her food on the floor, (well she flings it really) that it REALLY annoys me, but is it a 'disciplinable offence' I change my mind on this one regularly. So I've already fallen at the consistency hurdle haven't I ? Ho hum.

I do also know that I think hitting another person seems like an awfully unpleasant way of behaving. But then is 'smacking' different. Is is all about the intent behind it ? rather than the act itself ?

I am very pleased there are people who have devoted their careers to thinking about these things, and I find their books helpful, but, well, I can't leave it all to them, cos they're not the one responsible for my little beauty, I am.

So here end my musings on this topic for today, hoping that tomorrow will bring a little more insight as i tread carefully along the tightrope that is bringing up another person.

Just a little footnote, I am very much in a team at all this with my lovely Husbando on these issues, but it's easier to write it as 'I'. And to be honest, right now he's playing a star wars game on his computer, and not thinking about such things !

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Peppa love

Just looking through some photos, and stumbled across this. Even with the hideous plastic dummy, I love this photo.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Week in pictures

I've loved looking at the msnbc 'week in pictures' photography from around the globe for a while now, depicting some of what is going on in the world in one brief snapshot. A great way to catch up with news, and things which are often not as widely reported. you can see this weeks here.

I thought i'd start my own. Mostly for my own keepsake, to look back and remember the mess and images from out life in the Deane house.

Feel free to have a looky look yourself. 

If only they were all in focus, and my subject didn't move quite so much :)  

My only rule with myself is i have to take a picture of something as I find it.....

Transport toys are all the rage this week...

Shoes, shoes, shoes.

Where would we be without a humble piece of toast.

And of course a cup of tea in a lovely sophie conran cup.

Funeral home for roses


Construction....no planning permission required.


Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Ten on Tuesday

1.  This week I shocked myself with just how my brain sometimes makes connections a   l i t t l e   b  i  t      s    l   o     w.
While at the Dr surgery I glanced across and saw a little baby with a piece of wood with shoes strapped on, thus keeping his feet in one place. Did I think to myself...' wow i've never seen a piece of medical kit like that before, he must be receiving treatment for his joints somewhere from the hip down. No, I thought,       ' That baby has a snowboard, how unusual.' seriously, that is what I pondered for more than a few seconds. I even shocked myself with this one.

2. Little tike has started to say a few more words, this weeks selection are  'bobble', 'out', and 'ham',  interesting choices.

3. Last weekend I had my usual thought of, 'right we need to get out the house and go for a walk'. These thoughts are often followed by a few things in our house.
Firstly the realisation that with me, a walk has to be fairly short, so is always just a bit unsatisfying. As it's kind of, get out the car, wander just to the car is out of sight, then come back.
Secondly that the Husbando it quite happy spending an afternoon at home as he has been at work all week and not cooped up without transport and a small child mostly indoors.
Thirdly that you all have to get dressed and leave.
Anyway, all the aforementioned processes had happened, and I dragged us all to a country park type thing near where we live. But it was one of those times where, really, we should have just stayed home.
It was cold, and very windy. Little tike wasn't loving her 'bracing british trip in the great outdoors' quite as much as I had thought she would, and well, after lots of inning and outing of the pushchair, and another short and un satifying walk, we came home and ate chocolate. Will I learn for next time ? I doubt it.

4. I have recently discovered this, a great way to listen to the bible and read more than a verse of a psalm.

5. We have inherited lots of plastic paraphernalia for our garden that Little tike can play with. Lovely for her, and we are very grateful for it, but when you look out of the kitchen window, you see plastic, not flowers and loveliness........ah well. 

6. The local indoor play centre, soft play type place near us charges for water, surely that's not allowed ? And there is a sign saying that you are not allowed to take children's feeding cups into the restaurant either, seriously......................You think I am going to pay nearly a fiver, then £1 for water, and then have to buy a sugary fruity drink for my child too...I don't think so ! There is beaker smuggling a plenty when I visit that establishment.

7. Due to the CFS monster, I haven't been able to take Willow swimming properly. So am thinking of trying to find somewhere to go away with an indoor pool attached, reduces energy output required if it's in your house, and less persuasion required for Daddy too :) I'm always scheming when  it comes to holidays, think I should have been a travel agent.

8. I need to get me an iphone, there are so many beautiful moments I could catch on camera if I did. But for now, my trusty £10 phone will serve me well. (And you can just about make out the photos on it, so I shouldn't complain !)

9. Spring really isn't far off now, the crocuses are coming out to play, and my tulips are shooting their little heads through the frrrrrrosty soil. 

10. While watching 'escape to the country' this week I had the fleeting thought, 'wow, how the other half live'. Then I gave myself a brief slap round the chops, and reminded myself that actually I am 'the other half', the difference between how I live and the majority of the world is huge. The difference between how I live and someone who lives in a house worth £600k with 4 stables a pool is nothing compared to most people. Running water, electricity, peace and food, all things which separate me from the other 80% of the worldwide population. mmmmm put me in my place.

Linking in with the other ten on tuesdayers 




Monday, 16 January 2012

It's funny bringing up a little one.....

Little tyke is now 15 months old and just altogether very cute. Apart from her mealtime antics of throwing food and generally being a pain, She is just a true delight. 

I don't really want this phase to give way to the next. Not because I think she will become any less lovely, but because, well, I have always longed for this stage in my life, and now it is here it goes by so very fast.

Then mixed in with all these feelings, are the ones when 3pm hits, that's when the grot slot begins i think. I tend to wish the next 3 hours away...if....we....can....just....make....it....to.....6pm, cos once you reach 6pm your home and dry, bath, bed. AND RELAX.

So it's an odd combination isn't it ? 

Not wanting it to go by too fast, and suddenly find yourself choosing their senior school and wondering where the time went, but in reality, most days, hoping that the days were maybe just 2 or 3 hours shorter.

mmmmmmm I guess it's just how it is. 

Friday, 13 January 2012

A little girl with a curl and a bit of tv

So, mummy was ready for a sit down, so the tv went on as 3 o'clock arrived. I have a theory that if it's 3 o'clock it's ok !

She looked cute, I took a photo.....

 Or two......

                      Well I couldn't resist this one, look at that curl.

Thursday, 12 January 2012

Matches and a one year old

'Mummy can we make some fire please ?'

Parenting low point. I thought 'ah she's happily playing upstairs while I make a cuppa' ......

..alas, there were matches.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Ten on Tuesday.

1. My little Journey of not shopping has shown up my true love for purchasing things. This week I looked forward to going to the shop to buy toothpaste....sad, but true. I am also sorting out our pushchair for a friend to borrow and it needs a few new wheels and an extra seat, so I am buying that too......fallen off the wagon already maybe ?

2. Little tyke LOVES being chased, she thinks it is highly amusing, thanks to her Dad's antics of playing the 'chasing' game, it is one of her favourite things. This can prove a bit tricky at times when you don't want to do the chasing, in the library, at the end of a loooong day, or when trying to leave the house....watching her run down the sloping path careering towards the road ( albeit a very quiet one) is a little stressful.

3. Today I had one of those moments where I wished I had my camera with me, Little tike was running away from me ( see the theme here ?!) with one oversized welly on, with angel wings lying wonkily on her back, the light shone and just caught the moment perfectly. Although I can't share it here with anyone else, it will remain in my memory for a long time.

4. I have come to hate the phrase.. ' we are human beings, not human doings'. While I realise the sentiment behind this catchphrase has it's place. It isn't true, we are human beings.... and we are designed to do things. While I realise for some, the balance of rest and work needs to be readdressed, and believe me I know all about being driven by what I 'do'. But we are designed to 'do' things most of the time, or we'd all starve, die, get diseases etc etc. You get my point. Being active, achieving and 'doing' is good for our mental health as well as physical.

5. Turns out my over enthusiastic purchasing of little converse shoes on ebay for W has come to good use. Just one pair of shoes for a toddler in a 3 story house is just not the way to go. Can guarantee they won't be on the same floor, at the same time when you need them.

6.  Does anyone know what bicarbonate of soda actually is ?.........it tastes gross in toothpaste, and anyone who says otherwise is just wrong.

7. Another of my lovely friends has offered to help me with Little Tike one afternoon a week,  I'm not sure how I managed to accumulate such lovely friends, but I have, and for that along with other things, I am very grateful.

8. Our car is due it's MOT in two weeks time, holding breath, and hoping, desperately hoping that it will last us another year. That or Mr Branson will be buying us a new one.

9. Our longue is looking increasingly like a corner of toys r us, doesn't quite match the decor and ambience I am trying to create, but, do you know what, I wanted a child, so in a funny way I quite like it.

10. Already beginning to plan a spring/summer holiday.......where to go, where to go. Love to go camping and canoeing, but not quite sure the CFS monster will grant me the energy for such antics, so will have to come up with something else.

Linking in with a few other 'ten on tuesday' ers



Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Here begins a brief little journey....

So.. ......I have decided to take myself on a little journey over the next few months. A journey of not going to the shops ( other than for foody householdy things) and attempting not to be thinking about what to buy next.

I am a bit of a lover of retail therapy, often not the expensive type, but I just like going in shops and buying things ! I seem to often be working out how I can acquire new things, improve things, buy things.

Between now and, maybe march, I am choosing to focus my ebay bidding, sales hunting mind, onto something else. a tricky thing given that we practically live in a retail park, and have a growing toddler who is the perfect exuse for buying things for. But these past few months with birthdays and Chistmas have been all about they buying.

It's not really a money saving exercise, (although that will be a plus side) or a new years resolution. More of a break for my brain. In the hope that in the dessert of not buying things will spring up a leafy, lush creativeness which has been dormant for a little while now.

I have been on this journey before and it was good for my soul. My little soul has been a bit battered this past year, and needs some tending.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Ten on Tuesday

1. I watched one of those...'lists of things' on tv this week, the sort they put on to fill a scheduling gap, cos all the presenters are still in their pjs at home on new years day. This one was of 'number 1s in the 00's'. in 2002 the female r n b artists wore a lot more clothes, and the sexual frolocking which takes place in music vids was much less, well, pornographic....... How come it's got so much worse in just 10 years ? 
Have the male film directors just got more debauched, or have we just got less sensitive ?

2. W has taken cuteness up a level this past week, she is now lining her teddies up and giving them drinks and sharing her food with them....so very sweet. 

3. She is also adding words to her vocal on a daily basis, and today when I paused the 'fun song factory' dvd and said we were turning it off, she looked and me and said.. 'no, two'......... soon she will be cleverer than me, and at that point i'm not sure what I will do.

4. This year I hope to cook a bit more, so that we manage to eat more veg and healthy stuff. Husbando does a great job cooking our food, but veg and him aren't the best of friends. So if the energy allows, I hope to make friends with a bit of vegetarian cooking once more.

5. It's come to that time when most people with a 16ish month old toddler. begin to ask that question 'shall we have another baby'.......and like most things child related, people will tell you that the age gap between their children is the way to do it. Who's gonna turn round and say ' well actually I hate the age gap between our kids, and wish I hadn't had number 2' no one. So I guess what transpires in the Deane house, will just transpire, and sure enough in 8 years time or so, i'll be advising a first time mum when to have a second based on when our number 2 arrives ! 

6. I am currently in deep deliberations about what colour/tone to paint our longue. Money is tight in our house right now - like most people i guess, so i asked for B+Q vouchers for Christmas to facilitate said decorations. Hence I really don't want to get it wrong ! I also will be relying on willing family members to do that painting, so can't really say to them, 'well actually, I don't like it, can you come over on another saturday and do it again please.....'

7. I have always had a love affair with trees, They are just the most amazingly beautiful, awe inspiring things. This one caught my eye over the christmas holidays. ( well actually it caught my Dad's eye and then he drove me to see it, so it could catch my eye, and my camera lense ) The Apples on it looked gorgeous and, as ever, when the light is right, everything in nature looks even more stunning.

8. I met with two mum friends today, they were both commenting that they had loads of christmas vouchers and didn't think they would get round to spending them, as they weren't good at spending vouchers. This is an entirely alien concept to me. 

9. I am slowly getting used to working the camera I got for my 30th last year, maybe when I hit 40 I might start taking proper photos and edit them properly and everything .... mmmmm, we'll see.

10. Husbando went back to work today, had mixed feelings. First day back in some kind of routine with W on my own is kind of nice. But not having access to a car, or much energy to walk very far, can sometimes make me feel like a caged bird. I think most parents who are at home with their kids a lot can feel like this regardless of their health, but not having an extra pair of hands, and a personal chauffeur and 'lifter of heavy things' will take a bit of readjustment. 

If you want to see some more entry's you might find some here and here

Sunday, 1 January 2012

The new year beginneth

Our year began with a little trip to a lovely park. Having moved a bit further out of the city recently, we don't visit this park as often as we used to. It was like coming home to visit an old friend.

Left the house in torrential rain, but arrived at the park and it had stopped.... the sun even attempted to show it's face .... briefly.

This little one could not be stopped by the wet, just too cute. He also shared his crisps and drink with W, yes he's that kind of chap already, and we love him. (He also has the most adorable hands I have ever seen on a small person, and when he does the actions to 'twinkle twinkle little star' those chubby fingers are just adorable )

Little tike on the swing, shortly before throwing herself head first down the slide. Thankfully she still has all her teeth. 

We ended our day at my in laws, with a perfect roast dinner..... mmmmmmmm.

First day of 2012, not bad at all.