Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Ten on Tuesday

1. This morning my Little tyke climbed the stairs with her Wendy figure from bob the builder in her little fingers, and said  'Come on Wendy, lets go, off we .....GO ' She's a cutie pants most of the time, which balances the occasional tantrum beautifully. Here she is with wendy in her box....we don't make her sleep in it, just for cbeebies viewing !

2. This week I feel deeply sad. Two friends are coming up to remembering loosing their children a year ago. I feel heavy and tearful, I can't imagine the deep deep grief they feel. It is a strange mix as it coincides with my little tyke's birthday celebration. Joy and Pain go hand in hand though it would seem.

3. This week I also feel knackered, really knackered. We have made the slightly barmy decision to try and convert our garage into living space. We live in a 3 storey house with kitchen and living space on separate floors. The end result will be wonderful, but my pregnant, chronic fatiguey body doesn't cope too well with additional stress, so this whole thing feels like an extra thing I could do without, but also needed at the same time. 'The end result will be worth the stress' is my mantra for the next few months I think :)

4. My lovely Husbando is 30 soon. I am hoping with everything mentioned in the point above I can manage to provide a memorable birthday celebration, but I figure I'm cooking his baby, so hoping that'll be enough ??!! ( It will won't it ? )

5. Realise I said in a ten a while ago that while pregnant I cope with stress better.......mmmm this is being put to the test this week. Maybe it's different when you have a toddler too ?

6. I have taken to watching University challenge....not sure how I feel about this.

7. We have had lots of questions about bottoms in our house this week, the time was always going to come, but it's amazing how it floors you when your little blonde haired - not quite two year old, asks anatomical questions ! Her Dad's face was a picture when she pointed and said  'ooooooh look, what's that called Daddy? ' I hid my laughter, then composed myself and remembered that I am in fact an adult and gave a very sensible, 'what a good question to ask' kind of answer.........

8. Rain, yes it's grim, but did provide a puddle jumping activity for myself and LT yesterday. ( The fact that the puddle was in tesco carpark and a little black in colour is another story ) It has also meant lots of activities like this which can be done indoors. If only there was a fairy who came to clear up afterwards though !

9. LT and I made a sponge cake on Sunday, it was more tasty than I expected, but definitely not one Mary Berry would be proud of.

10. One of my favourite people had a baby in August, she lives too far away in Cardiff and I reeeeaaallly really wish I could just wander round to hers for a cuppa and give her baby a little squeeeeeze. ( Not to mention a hug for her, a pot of warming stew to eat, and an hour or two of baby duty )

attempting a link up this week with.....
helen  Lucy laura and Esther

Monday, 24 September 2012

A new week, I will wait...

I stumbled across the fact that today is the release date for the new offering from Mumford and Sons 'Babel' is their new album.

I really like this type of music, and sometimes find it a little strange that it has become a bit more 'mainstream' than it used to be. I spent my teenage years listening to music like this, and was branded a hippy, or  bit left field. It's also strange, as so much of the music I've spent my life singing to in church is similar to this in style. So it's weird seeing people unashamedly dancing at festivals alongside Jay Z to music which was once reserved for weird folky or churchy type places.

But it stirs something in our souls doesn't it ? It's not just me, or you, but loads of people are moved and liberated by this music. One can 't really dance in a particularly dignified way to music like this, I think that's what I enjoy so much about it, It has a childlike quality which we all identify with just a little ?

I don't often engage in the 'waiting' side of my life. There are things I am waiting for, waiting for God to do, as I believe He said He would. Sometimes the waiting is too painful to connect with for all of us, but occasionally I dip my toe in the moat of emotions which surround the castle I live in, and for a few minutes, I get reassurance that the wait will be worth the it.

Saturday, 22 September 2012


I realised yesterday that I have composed lots of blog posts in my head this week, but none of them have actually made it out through my fingers and onto the page.

So I guess I'm going to do a little bullet point, whistle stop tour through my 'musings' this week.

......What is it about us human's which love to consume things ? I just like 'getting' 'acquiring' having more. 

......When will the chinese government stop doing inforced abortions on babies at 7 months, just to keep their 'birth quotas' in check. This is BAD and should never happen, ever. 

.......How many days is it until that festive occurrence in December ? Why are there already chocolate santas in tesco ?

........If we convert our garage into a living room, where would we put all the stuff in it? There is a lot of stuff in there, A LOT. This concern has kept me up more than a few times this week. When lacking the ability to do physical sorting and moving, one has to rely on other people who are often less motivated in this direction than ones self. This is stressful. Sometimes being able to get a job done yourself is quicker and easier, no matter what anyone else tells you. 

.......Living close by to family is just great. We are so very blessed, and our lovely family both near and far have come to our rescue a few times this week, with unplanned hospital visits, broken down cars and bedding emergencies, they have come up trumps. Thank you to my family.

.....Little tykes birthday is in a week or two, time to get wrapping some presents and create a number 2 cake with Thomas the tank accessories ! I have accepted the fact that a full size standing up percy cake is a little beyond my grasp right now. Do you like what I did there....knowing your limits is all en vogue these days I'm told. ( I grew up with a super mum birthday cake making extraordinaire, so have high standards for cake creations. )

......My Sister comes to visit in 3 weeks....whoop whoop. She has recently relocated to the big smoke, so I'm hoping she might bring a bit of  ' London cool ' with her. My life has denigrated into a style less, mummy type malay at present, and needs an injection of style pronto.

......There are times when I look at my life and can't quite believe it's mine. I have a great husband, and a beautiful healthy child - how did that all happen ? I thank God for these blessings most days, (to say every day would just be a lie )

.....I'm not sure if I'm meant to be eating feta cheese, but melted on pitta bread with green peppers is just what I wanted for my lunch today - yum.

......This is she, my Little Tyke, Willow Alice, beautiful at nearly 2. Boy does she keep me on my toes ! 

Monday, 17 September 2012

Breakfast fit for a king....

Ok, so this might not look particularly inspiring to you, but this my friends is progress. Not only can I now eat toast for breakfast, fruit stays in now too. So that's nice. Deliciousness. 

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Week in Pictures

Here's my past week 'in pictures'
Enjoy ! 

Nature's Sculpture.


Verbena in full bloom


A perfect moment

Searching for ladybirds

Bubbly beauty

Dormant machine

Trying to catch some sun

Blue loveliness

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Ten on Tuesday

Hi, I wrote this, up to point number 6 yesterday, then my day got a little complicated, and here we are now. Just a quick ten .....

Yes it's actually on a Tuesday this week too !

1. Having written in my last post that I cope with stress better when pregnant, this was put to the test yesterday and have to say, failed. Went to bed feeling very stressed only to be woken at 2am by some fella jet washing the petrol station roof near our house. Woke up a bit strung out and achy this morning.

2. I am getting very well aquainted with back episodes of tweenies these days, breakfast then tweenies seems to have developed as a pattern in our house lately.

3. Our usual usage of taxi has ressumed this past week. Little Tyke loves a taxi ride, have to say my purse isn't so much of a fan. Pricey !

4. Really enjoyed watching lots of the paralympics. Have to say, I had run out of olympic spirit a little so didn't watch as much as the olympics, but really did enjoy it. The closing ceremony was great, especially enjoyed Rihanna's performance of 'hopeless place'. Love that song, It just gets under my skin.
( did attempt to embedd a clip, but there wasn't a good on on youtube - sorry ! )

5. I Found the paralympics made me once again look at my attitude towards disability head on. They also coincided with me deciding weather or not have a nucal scan for this next baby. Will develop my thoughts on this a little more and put them into a post soon. However knowledegable and 'accepting' you are of disability, there is ALWAYS room for growth and contemplation on how we react to, include, and are patient with those different from us in what ever way. Lots of food for thought on this one.

6. I bought myself a very lovely leather jacket recently, It was a bargain on ebay and clearly being sold by someone who maybe didn't realise that a listing which ended at 2pm on a Monday afternoon isn't the  best way to sell something. I did however slightly forget I was pregnant......so not going to get huge amounts of wear out of it this autumn.

7. A trip to the Library is in the plan today, lots of overdue books, kids ones are fair play, but my books ( was going to write Adult book, but that sounds a little odd ey !? ) will be returned a month late with a little more, er, drop and dash.

8. I am still quite amazed by the fact my Little Tyke will soon be two, has size six feet, and can tell me new things everyday. Being a parent is such an amazing thing, but man does it fly past.      ( apart from the 4pm- 6pm slot in each day )
Here she is looking rather serious in her favourite swing at the park. Kids in sunglasses.......entirely ridiculous, but kind of cute anyhow .....

9. LT has started asking for chocolate and cbeebies before breakfast.....do toddlers not know the rules ?!

10. I am already thinking about what I'd like for my birthday which isn't until December.......although this doesn't involve pouring through the Argos catalogue as it did as a child, I do feel a little juvenile in my anticipation of acquiring new things.

Saturday, 8 September 2012


The one lovely thing about the middle and end of pregnancy for me, is, contrary to most people's experience, I get my brain back ! One of the hardest things to cope with about CFS, in my experience, is the mental/cognitive fatigue it causes. The physical is tricky, but to some extent there are things others and rest can do to aid this. But no one else can think/feel/ponder/interact on my behalf. It's a difficult thing to explain really, but anyway, when I'm pregnant this symptom is greatly reduced. For example, one of the reasons I find it really hard to do any cooking is because of the cognitive function it takes to do such a task as well as the physical. But when I'm pregnant, for some reason my brain can think more, and I don't get as drained doing certain tasks. Talking to people gets easier, even coping with stress. In my first pregnancy we moved house numerous times, had to arrange a fairly delayed and drawn out process of buying a house, and various other financial complications. But, you know, I just kind of managed it. I coped with it a hundred times better than If I hadn't been pregnant. Weird but true. Anyway, as I am fully emersed in the middle section of my pregnancy, some of this clear headed loveliness has come my way. And if I'm being really honest, It has made me feel great and pretty sad all at the same time. Sad that so many parts of me, which make me feel like me, are mostly hibernating. It's a tricky one to put into words, but by nature I have a pretty fast brain, I can just think quickly, organise, process, sort out, create. I'm no genius at all, but I do have a quick brain, and one which likes to create, most of all create and spend time with people. These things get taken from me when the CFS monster is at it's worse, and this is one part of it I will never adjust to, enjoy or become to at home with. 

So, for the next few months, while feeling physically exhausted, and plagued with all the usual pregnancy gripes. I have a tiny bit of my cognitive and spiritual energy back, a more relaxed, laid back stress free, creative Hannah emerges. 

There is a sense of dread that it will go again, and the thought that even decided what to eat for tea will be too much again.

But I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it, and enjoy the present ? That's my plan for now anyway. 

A camera kind of day

Woke today, and realised my poor camera has been somewhat neglected lately. Just been too sicky to manage to take any photos, but I now have the battery on charge, and am hoping for a few rays of sunshine later, a little trip to somewhere pretty and some pics shall be snappy snap snapped.

Hoping to return to 'Week in pictures' this week, so watch this space :)

I'm really not great at using all the settings on my camera, I do now know how to work it ( only took me 2 years to figure out ! ), but the time to practise is limited. I cut my teeth taking photos in the 80s on my Dad's old school SLR, I got a lense for my ninth birthday, which I guess is a little sad really, but I loved using it. I have to say I do struggle a bit with all the post shot editing which goes on, cos photos do look better with a little tweaking, but for me I love seeing a photo and taking it, and the faffing about on a computer isn't my favourite part of the creative process of taking photos. So while I know I'd get better images with a bit of photoshopping, right now I can't really be bothered. Yes that sounds lazy, but there we have it. One day I shall get on board a bit more with such things, but at present just a few pretty shots with a tiny bit of iPhoto tweaking shall have to do !

I have the sometimes annoying affliction of having a fairly creative eye, so I fall into the 'consciously incompetent' when it comes to photography. I tend to know when a photo looks 'good' or not, but If I waited to post 'good photos' on this blog then I just never would, and at present am not good enough with my camera to take show stopping images. 

Just returned from our trip to the park, here is my girl chasing uninhibited, after the bubbles. Beautiful day, lovely moment with my little family. My life is rich in so many ways, and this moment captures that perfectly.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Attempting re entry

This week we are attempting 're entry' into our usual weekly routine. DaddyDeano back at work and all the usual childcare, playgroups and sitting with just my Little Tyke and I at home are back underway.

So far, it's been a lovely week. Helped by two factors, one; although still sick, I am slightly less exhausted than I have been for most of the summer, that 16 week phase seems to have arrived with a teeny bit more energy in the tank - phew. Secondly, the sun has been out, how lovely, there is something soothing about september sun isn't there ? Not only does it feel like a bonus, but it's lower in the sky and heralds the arrival of Autumn loveliness. 

Today I decided to take the bull by the horns and go to playgroup. Thursday morning playgroup can be at times, like taking your life in your hands. Set in a local children's centre, with low ceilings and YEAR ROUND heating on FULL, it can be like entering a den of germs, heat and noise. But today there was a lovely breeze, and we were only joined by about six other parents and their little darlings, so it was relatively tranquil......phew. We've spent most of the week at home albeit with some very lovely visitors, so LT was getting a little bored of the same old toys. The only shadow looming over our lovely morning, was one very loud boisterous 3 year old boy banging a drum REALLY REALLY hard, his mum was on the phone ( I have a soft spot for her despite most other mum's not liking her ) so for some reason had enough patience to quietly suggest to said child that maybe he could be a little quieter. (This pregnancy seems to have bought with it nearly constant headaches, so one can do without too much banging of drums ! )

The other unfortunate occurrence was when one of the sure start staff who we have known intermittently since LT was about 6 months turned up, said 'hello' to her. She quivered with fright and ran into my arms crying, looking genuinely terrified. Not quite sure what to make of that, or why she was so bothered, but it was a little bit of a shame for all involved.

Hoping the next 6 weeks will be like this one.